KS23

Soleil: So the first question would be: do you want to describe the work and what it's about?

Karlie: The work is a single channel video work with audio as well, and it's to me about queer longing and relationships and just this kind of like deep fear that I have. And I think that a lot of people, not just queer people, but I think a lot of queer people have fears of intimacy and vulnerability and, you know, are kind of working through these like safety and like survival techniques that we've learned from like a really young age to protect ourselves.
I think, you know, as we get older, and as we're younger too, I kind of, I think that makes it really hard to be ourselves or be myself and to accept and appreciate love, I guess, if that makes any sense. Yeah.

Soleil: That’s really cool.

Karlie: Thanks. Yeah, I kind of like, I dunno when I started, like, when I had the idea… It's funny to talk about because this relationship is only like three months, but it's like, I also. I think that there's something like, at least in this experience where I don't know, it just, it feels like there's just been so much growth and learning in these like three months, and the relationship has changed in three months too.

So at first, like, I don't know, it felt a little bit more like a celebration and a... yeah, I guess a celebration… And I still feel like it is, but it's also I think a little bit more complex and, you know, the way that my brain works and like these kinds of survival strategies that I've learned to kind of put in place have made it super up and down. Like, who I am is different, every day, and what I think is different all the time. And I'm really working on being mindful of that and working through letting go, and just like learning myself. And so, I think I lost a bit of interest in it for a little while, because I was just like,“this isn't what I want it to be”, and “I'm not sure what it is”. But yeah, I started working on it again just like a few days ago and decided to think about that and include some journal entries from the past while.

So that's what the audio is, just reading journal entries. And, you know, they're all very different. Well, some of them are the same, but a lot of them are different and there's, I feel like it's kind of this up and down of like, “oh, like I so badly want to like lean into love”. And then some of it's like, very like, “no, go away!”.

And that's kind of this back and forth that I've been having forever, yeah. Does that make sense?

Soleil: Yeah. Was that your goal, that sort of that back and forth of tension between the two? Was that sort of your idea for it?

Karlie: The basis of that, I think maybe yeah, kind of turned into that. Like, I think it wasn't at first. At first I was like, “it's all about like pleasure and joy and like excitement”, and then, I guess as I was working on it, I realized that it is about that, but it's also about tension and like fear and duality. So yeah, I'm happy to hear that you kind of felt that tension, um, while you were watching.

Soleil: It’s a bit similar to how relationships develop too from like that initial interest and excitement to dealing with those sorts of challenges and stuff. That's a really cool way to reflect on it.

Karlie: Yeah, thanks. Yeah. And I think it's, for me, at least it's, you know… I won't get into, like, all of my traumas, but I think that all relationships are that way, no matter if they're romantic relationships or platonic or like whatever they are.

Like, I think those are, that's like the lifespan of all relationships. And I think that's important. Um, I think it's, you know, how we learn to like, navigate that and like, you know, Not it so like prickly or maybe do, but like also learn to like work through it so that we're not so that I'm not pushing everybody away, you know?

Soleil: That's awesome. So, the broader concept this group of projects was inspired by was themes of “wait”, and the other sort of definition of “weight” and stuff like that. So what was your process in sort of approaching these sorts of concepts in your work, and how do you feel like it connected with that?

Karlie: That's a good question. I think, in a few ways… So like, - again, this has changed over the past few months, but at the beginning it was really about, you know, the person that I'm in a relationship with lives next door to me. So, we share a wall, and I was just thinking a lot about how I was deliberately trying to kind of incorporate this like space and boundaries. So it's like, we could spend every minute together, but you know, I'm like, I need my own space.

And so, thinking about that - that wall that separates us - and waiting until maybe we would see each other again next, and also just kind of waiting for myself to figure it out and feel it out. I think now that’s still true, and I also feel like in a broader way it's like waiting for myself to accept and feel okay with myself enough to feel okay with another person. So, the waiting of growth and how long that can take.

Soleil: Cool. Okay. Is this piece… Do you feel like it connects with like the rest of what you usually produce in your practice or is it something different for you to explore?

Karlie: It feels kind of similar. That kind of layering of video and audio and playing with speed and slowness, and scale also, is something that I do often. And I think this time I was wanting to do something different and maybe have it a bit more minimal and simplistic, but it just didn't turn out that way. So, this is just how I'm working right now, and that seems to be what I'm drawn to. So, for now that's okay, I think.

Soleil: Awesome. What do you hope people would take away from your piece when viewing it? Is there any sort of message that you want to convey?

Karlie: I think... I always want people to take away whatever they want from it. But I guess maybe, I don't know… Maybe somebody can relate to it, or maybe that that kind of tension will resonate with somebody. I don't think my experience is necessarily universal, but I think that the relation… I think relationship building is pretty hard for everybody, regardless of experience. So, I think - I hope - that maybe that some people can relate to that or it will resonate with them.

Soleil: Awesome. And quarantine quarantine too. There's so many other things.

Karlie: Yeah, that's a good point. Actually. It's like, again, yeah. That's something I didn't say is also pandemic stuff. I feel like, throughout the pandemic and in isolation, there's a tendency I have to isolate myself in general. So then this coming up and, and doing a lot of reflecting and feeling really lucky to have been able to have so much time to reflect, because I think not everybody has had that luxury.

Um, but. You know, I think, yeah, just a lot of realizations, um, about how important, like love and relationships are in like every way, like in friendships and everything, you know, it's like, um, yeah, uh, very, uh, Yeah, I guess, uh, I don't know where I'm going with that, but definitely like, feels like, uh, a pandemic lesson for me.

Soleil: For sure. Yeah. That's great. Do you have anything else that you want to include in the writing piece or any other sort of themes that you didn't talk about that you'd still like to?

Karli: I don't think so. Hmm, maybe this is already touched on, but I think, just how this is, like for me really about queer relationships and co-gender identities and relationships and bodies, and like how there can be a lot of complications... Not complications, but just things to learn and work through when you have two queer people with different gender identities, like. There can be a lot of stuff that comes up with the body. I don't know, I guess that's it.